oh i havent written in so long =) my badwell nothing goin on too much lately-- schools almost out.. holla back!! lol like wut 2 weeks? then im OUTA THURRRR...for the summer at least ;) Errrggg my best friendie sarah is almost off her grounding.. she gets off next weds... so that'll be good we can go be illegal again. SEriously -- we do too much bad stuff (ie., stealing parents cars -we don't have lisences ;)- lying to parents, HoTeL paRtIeS hoStEd By Us! Ohh yesshh.. oh and ditching school to go shop or smoke and pretend we know how to do our homework... lol)Well me and sare got our jobs soon... theyre not the greatest!! Workin at Mrs T's Pizza!! Haha but were cute so it'll be good... 8.50 an hour ... 4 hrs a night, 3 nights a week.. thats 204$ every 2 weeks plus tips and stuff... but hey whatever pays the bills right? heheI wanna party it up in lisle this weekend buuuuutttt i duno if theres anything good goin on...<3 i wanna go shopping <3GUHH its raining!!!! i hate rain.. and plus i gotta go to the dentist and im scared theyre gunna know i smoked..... past tense!!! SMOKED! i stopped because it was icky and i have a paranoia about my teeth and stuff... lol... i did it for like, what 2 months? not bad... not bad... maybe 3?im gunna go be cool and clean my room ;)

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i just binged on 2 sandwiches of healthy choice turkey and mustard.......i guess thats not too bad???best fast secrets?leave em here

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: SadeAre you female or male:: sally girlDescribe yourself:: smooth operatorHow do some people feel about you::i will be your friendHow do you feel about yourself::when am i going to make a living Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: You're not the manDescribe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: the sweetest giftDescribe where you want to be:: paradiseDescribe how you live:: cherish the day Describe how you love:: love is stonger then prideShare a few words of wisdom:: Hang onto your love

well my "diet" is going better =\ lol.. im about 126 now.. from 130 last week... blah but im so outa shape i need to work out but i can't until end of april =( grrr bad bad monoGOD im so mad at joannaok so she knows that i really really want christian lopez.. so she IMs me today like , "omg i hung out with christian and Joel last nite!" and ahh i want both of them so bad i was like "yea ur gay!"hopefully i'll look hot after spring break .. im gunna tan, get new clothes, highlight my hair.. and hopefully be thinner!!!sean calls me alot lately. why? i do not knowyou know someone loves u when they take the time to say it twicei LOVE LOVE you!

someone please please please comment!after the sacred heart diet is thru, can u actually SEEEEEEEEEEe the difference?!i lost 3 lbs =)i have a new motivation alsoso ive been sorta crusing this guy christian and we always have "eye sex" in the hall lol we like stare eachother down... and like yesterday i was talking to him and my XBEST FRIEND came up and started talking and now he thinks shes got "the best body and is hot as hell" i want to have a better body. and be hotternew motivation = boys

im-going-absolutely-crazyi cannot deal with thisi was so numb to it before...but its actually set in that ryan is deadeven on weds. night at his candle light vigil.. it didn't really set in... but once Louis made that speech.. the tears welled up and i knew it was real. the support from my friends is unbelievable though.. i love you alli went to ryans wake last night. it was closed casket... i guess its better that way because he would have hated to see all of us cry, but i wish it was open, too, so i could get one last look and touch him one last time. its crazy how tuesday i had a whole conversation with him.. and now thats going to be the very last thing i remember of him...but last night everyone was so sad, and Ryan would have been so shocked to see everyone that showed up, more then 100 people...i wish i could have gone to the funeral today.ITS KINDA SHITTY HOW SOME LOSERS ARE USING RYANS DEATH FOR SYMPATHY WHEN THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIM. YOU KNOW WHO YOU AREi really miss the kid. its sorta like losing a brother... but i was thinking, what if it wasn't him crossing the street at that time, those 2 little girls would have gotten hit... Ryan took one for the team. I love you ryanwell, ryans not alone up there. hes with billy. their tokin' up right now i know it. wait for me guys i love you both.this is for ryan and billy." We little knew that morningGod was going to call your name.In life we loved you dearlyIn death we'll do the same.It broke our hearts to lose you, Though you did not go alone.For part of us went with you, The day God called you home.Our friendship chain is brokenAnd nothing feels the same.But as God links us one-by-one,we'll be together again."one more link...

REST IN PEACE, RYAN PAUL 3*9*04YOU MEANT THE WORLD TO USNEXT TIME I BUM A CIGARETTE, I WILL THINK OF YOU.I LOVE YOUwhats going onthis is the second deathi duno how to deal with this anymoretoday was so hard, i broke down crying in study hall and i cried in the bathroom with sam and sarah, then we went to that group thing and sean and ashley were there... its crazy how one minute you're holding a conversation with someome, and the next minute, they're gone... i didnt believe that yesterday when i was talking to ryan, that it would be the last timewhats going on in the world?

So i just got back from getting more blood taken.. ewww... they're jus gunna suck me dry sooner or later! =P ... i'm so sick of not bieng at school i miss everyone!! My doctor even said that i might have to be off a few more days cuz i might go into relapse.. or something, i was too busy paying attention to his funny accent... i swear to GOD he had a tounge ring!! =Pi'm so mad that i'm not going to arizona with laura anymore! That means i can't see sex! Oops, i mean JR =)Things that i want to do :- tan- go to the gym- find another cheerleading teamplus i need a jobmaybe at that new place that opened next to Lets go Bistro... that salon thing. maybe i can be a hair washer or something... whatever pays the bills right??theres nothing to say lol since i havent been at school or anything!!!thanks to everyone who's making sure i feel better! xoxooxDIETTTTTTTTTTTT !!!!!

having mono honestly sucks so badit gives me time to diet thobut being around the house with food at my very command EVERY SECOND is sosososo temptingi have to go in for blood work tomorrow for my mono cuz i have it really bad and was in the hospital before.. it was crazyremember, NO COMAS

i know it's dark here, you know that i'm scared toofor some reason right now ....of everything but youALK3because i cared way morebecause i really felt that you felt so much more i know-boxcar racer, sorrowConsider this a letter that I never sent However inconsiderate it seems Do you still consider me, consider me the girl you laughed with or that you learned to live without?... -brand new - logan govt. ctrthe summer comes to a closeand no one knows what we know-count the stars, all good thingsand i said "i've gotta be honesti've been waiting for you all my life."for so long i thought i was asylum bound,but just seeing you makes me think twice-dc, as lovers goIs there a second in time that I looked aroundDid I sail through or drop my anchor downIs anything enough to kiss the groundAnd say I'm here now and he's here now...jm, clarityAnd autumn comes, it doesn't last.It just walks in, where it left you last.And you never know, when it startsUntil there's fog inside the glass around your summer heartjm, somethings missingAll you need is love is a lie cause We had a love but we still said goodbye-split screen sadness, jmyou hit the road and left me an oceani can't swim in the silence of your skin please let me in-side the times we never had rightinside two years alone with youmotion city soundtrack, my favorite accidentwell i didnt mean for this to go as far as it didand i didnt mean to get so close and share what we didand i didnt mean to fall in love, but I didand you didnt mean to love me backbut i know you did-plain white t's - lonely septemberfeel your fire, when its cold in my heartand things sorta startremindin' me of my last night with youi only need one more dayjust one more chance to sayi wish that i had gone up with you tooand i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine hereand if we all believe in heavenmaybe we'll make it through one more year down here-yc, view from heavenHere I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to youYou are my only oneI let go, there's just no one that gets me like you doyc, only oneIt's okay to be angry and never let goIt only gets harder the more that you knowWhen you get lonely if no one's around You know that I'll catch you when you're falling downyc- empty apartmentAnd even though you are next to me I still feel so aloneI just can't give you anything for you to call your own yc- breathingHow am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?I don't know if I should stay or turn around and runI know that I hurt you, things will never be the sameThe only love I ever knew, I threw it all awayyc-breathing

That's why you found meWhen u put u arms around meYou haven't been thereFor the longest time-Yellowcard, "for the longest time"Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go.You built me up and you broke me down, somehowEverything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to knowI'll love you right and i'll love you pure, right now-Yellowcard, "Ciggarette"So I'm left wondering,there is so much left I wish that I could say to youSilence, I keepFor fear of breaking myself down,and maybe getting throughGetting through to you-Yellowcard, "for petes sake"Remember the days we stared at the sky At the clouds and ships that passed us by The monkey bars and the jungle gym Seemed too high too high for him-Yellowcard, "Goodbye my friend"We'll be miles apartI'll keep you deep insideYou're always in my heartA new life to startI may be leaving butYou're always in my heart.-Yellowcard, "miles apart"All that I needed to hear from yousomething of value but something untrueall that I wished that I'd find within you-Yellowcard, "Something of Value"I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to doFollow me thereA beautiful somewhereA place that I can share with you-Yellowcard, "one year, 6 months"tonight never ends if we never go inside. the moon is always full your calendar is always pinned on summertime-ALK3, "If we never go inside"I melt every time you look at me that way -rascall flatts "i melt"

heres my heart.. i'll let you break itme + Kelly + Kimmy running out onto the football field in the middle of a play = amazing!!! cheering for varsity is sooo borring because everytime they score u have to do the school song and THEEEENNN.. like 287234 pushups for as many pts as we scoredso were goin to state?? cuz we beat scn? wooo wooo GoOo TrOjAnSi was soo cute today for halloween!!! me.. lil 5'2 me.. lol had some ghetto black snap pants.. sagged em so u could see these soffee shorts (supposed to look like boxers) thheeenn.. i had a pimped out jerzy and and bandana!!! saw some black ppl in the hall and i got a.. "damnnn shawty!" and a "you mockin me?" lolmario saw me and hes like wtf are u supposed to be? and i was like "aww you!! but damnn.. i forgot to put a dick in my mouth!!" and he pushed me into a locker.. lolawwweee... jamie is dorablegatto loves meOooooo eeee oooo.... magggggggggglio!

M i K e M a N 44: i went to johnsFOX XY8601: what did u do thereFOX XY8601: toke the reefM i K e M a N 44: of courseFOX XY8601: lol luckky biatchFOX XY8601: im jealousM i K e M a N 44: and hotM i K e M a N 44: hahah yesssssFOX XY8601: lolFOX XY8601: ur too cute why dont we hang outM i K e M a N 44: haha cause youre too coolFOX XY8601: no!!!FOX XY8601: im not too cool for my mikey i love himM i K e M a N 44: hahaM i K e M a N 44: i love him tooFOX XY8601: lol!M i K e M a N 44: i stankFinkle7224: your like a drug, i want more of you :-Pmmmmmm shotsTHEY MAKE ME CRYi. love. chris. serritella. omg. he. makes. me. feel. so. pretty. and. special.i. fit. so. nice. in. his. armsonly.problem.is.....im 5'2 and hes 6'4BUt none of dat matters when ur layin down ;) ;) :*

ok - So .. first me and laura went to this camp reunion party.. It was fun ;) No one thought i was gunna be there ( i went last summer) so Laura said she was bringing a surprise, and I was it =DThennnn... I said i was sleepin at Lauras.. so All my shit was at her house. But then after Peter's party, we went over to Kristi's and Maggie was there. Sooo we walked over to Chris's hoping that like, brandon and cam were there. Buttttt they werent so we ended up hanging with Chris and Scotty. (Happy 13th Bud!!!)Soo.. we did dumb stuff. I chugged beer. We smoked. Hahah and then the cops talked to us cuz they thought we were the ones that broke into the Abandoned house??? (( Haha Maggie.. "its just a Coke..")) So Like the Cops hadda talk to Chris's parents and stuff.. How fun, rite?!?Soo.. Laura told her parents that we were sleepin at Kristi's. (Mine still thought i was at Lauras) But then LIke, Kristi couldnt have ppl sleepover, and we had no one to bring us home, so we slept at Chris's house!!Chris's was so fun.. we just like talked and Hung out. OMG.. we were outside smoking and someone drove by (this was at like 130 in the morning) and they backed up and pulled infront of the house, and we thought it was the cops, so we RAN inside and hid in the bathroom, then the Front door opens and its Chris's brother's drunk friend Steve!! He was too funnySoo.. Chris's parents didnt kno we were there, so we hadda sneak up to His room, it was so hard to not laugh. Me, Laura and maggie are like, Giggle freaks. Well Maggie More. lol, But yea, so we were up in his room for a while and then we went to bed. It was too funny.. Chris was watchin Porn and little 13 yr. old scotty was jackin off and bangin a teddy bear. hahahaha...So.. no one slept at all!! I slept with Chris.. ;) ;) haha.. and maggie and laura raped scotty on the floor. lolSo we woke up at 8 am cuz we hadda walk to Kristi's so lauras dad would think we stayed there.. but omg! Chris's mom didn't leave at 6AM like she usually does, so we hadda sneak out!! It was so much funNow im Tired as HELLLLLLLLLLLLI cant believe we pulled it offNo one knows.<3333

Im playing 20 questions with dave <3Ughhh this whole thing with my brother is so bad! I hate it.... He made sucha stupid decision. Being decisive isnt his best quality =\What he did was in the news paper under the police reports and i found out shit i didn't know. Like that he had Cocain and an 8th and a Pipe in his car when he got pulled over. But From what he said, he was takin ppl home from a party and they left it in the car. Cuz i know for a FACT he doesnt smoke weed cuz hes illergic to it. and he doesnt do cocain. Fuckin 5 oh's.... I HATE COPS.My tan is fading.. Ahhhh!!!I punched Chris Miller yesterday. He goes, "I read about ur brother, stupid stoner" so i go, "shut the fuck up" and hes like "bitch u kno its tru" So i decked him in the face. Like a buncha the guys were laughing and giving me props.. lol I felt so cool Summer comes and summer goes

Ive been writing alot more lately... so heres a taste of it..Somwhere Out ThereSomewhere out there is Mr. Perfect. Your Prince CharmingYour Knight in Shining Armorand your Super hero.Somewhere out there is your soulmateWho you can share your dreams withand hopes withtears withand fears with.He will throw rocksat your windowlate at nighthoping you will look outjust so he can see your faceHe will blindfold youand takeyou somewhereand until you take that blindfold offand open your eyesyou will realizethat the excitementwas worth it.Somewhere out thereis your best friend.Who you can count onfor a shoulder to cry onand when you look at himwith tears in your eyesand looking like a messHe will whisper in your ear,"you're beautiful.."Nothing has ChangedI can pretendthat things are finethat nothing has changedthat everythings justlike it used to bebeforePicture PerfectI look at the strip of goofy picturesthat he and I tookJust one week agoin the photo booth.Sneaking smiles,stealing kissesand hiding giggles.I cant even see the slightest signthat he would leave meThat he wouldn't love me.Did the camera somehow miss it, or wasnt it thereto see?GoneIm looking at the frame that holds your pictureYour smile that once brightened any quiet roomNow seems so blank and empty.Your eyes that sparkled no longer shine.Your heart that held so much, no longer beats.Your smile haunts my memoryand the images of you keep me awake at night.Gladdness comes over me when I see your pictureBut sadness overcomes and controls when I remember that your gone.Not a day goes by where your actions flood my memory.I miss you.Im looking at the frame that holds my pictureMysmile that once brightened any quiet roomnow seems so blank and empty.I'm gone inside too...

last night kicked fuckin ass man...got to see my baby...=D =Dwent fake n baking.. woo woo i smeeeeeelll good!!I <333 u

So..on May 9th I will be front row balcony of Spamalot! on Broadway!on May 10th, front row mezzanine of Avenue Q!mum is currently securing tickets for Wicked.my birthday is going to be SO AWESOME this year. ~in other news, first day of term 2. i'm very nervous about a whole term of Improv, but I'm clearly not the only one. We're going to be doing "Masquerade" from The Phantom Of The Opera and we started a loverly French song called "Dirait-on" in Music Theatre class. My tap/jazz dance instructor said she is pleased with my work and keep going with what I'm doing and I'll be fine. I'm not falling into lots of the traps most beginner dancers do, she says. ~oh, and politicians suck. I know, that's such a trite thing to say, but it's true. i tried to watch the debate today, but i fell asleep and missed most of it. Those guys, man. I wish they had the Green guy instead of the Bloc guy up there, it would be so much more interesting. but he doesn't have any seats. lame.

Me and ze director finished 1st draft of screenplay today, at last. wizz00t!filming to take place is late February, or maybe spring break. we'll see.yay!